It was dark out on the flight deck. The stars and moon not visable tonight. The hum of the Diesel engines mixed with the lapping of the waves. The rest of the guys were inside playing cards. He was sitting on a bullnose, where the mooring lines enter the ship.
He was dirty. The overall grime of shipboard life had taken its toll on his uniform, exposed flesh and general psyche. At this point of the deployment, his blue ‘digital’ camouflage pants were were out of regulations. They had rips, paint splatter and grease stains. No one gave him flack about it. There was no time to focus on those aspects or the means to replace uniforms. It was not important at this point. There was a mission at hand. The priorities were to do your job correctly the first time. Crisp new uniforms would not help you succeed out here. There is a feeling among sailors that those who had time to polish their boots did not have a real job. Admin types and supply personnel usually were the ones with nice looking boots.
“Smitty, you okay man?”
“You got that 1,000 yard stare going.”
“Naw, I’m just thinking. I’m fucking tired man”
“I just want to go home. This shit sucks.”
“I know, I don’t even want to get off the boat in port.”
“Right? Let’s just go back, cut all this short.”
“Wish we could, man. You gonna be okay?”
“Yeah. I’m cool. I’m gonna go to bed soon.”
“All right man, don’t be grabbing chains and jumping off the side.” They both smiled. “We’re laughing, but seriously. It’s not that bad. We’ll be home soon enough.”
“I know, thanks man.”
They went their separate ways. Smitty returned his gaze back out on the water.
I’m tired, people. I’m tired of everything. I’m tired of hate. I’m tired of politics.
I’m tired of living behind an eyepatch because I need to protect my family.
I’m tired of aggressive misappropriations. I’m tired of zealots. I’m tired of ignorance leading the day. I’m tired of stupid people having really stupid opinions.
This world is going to hell & I don’t want to go for that ride.
We’ve backed ourselves into a corner & now we can only choose evil. It’s heartbreaking & stressful.
Those who know me know that I haven’t been myself lately.
This is a dark period for our society. We will not look back on this time fondly. There is a lot of pain out there.
If you do not condemn the hate, then you are accepting it. Love is not enough. It is not us & them. This is agendas. This is the media choosing what they want to tell the public to support their own ideals.
Take a moment to decide how you want to live your life.
I choose to not be part of any group. I do not represent anyone outside of myself. I am me. Judge me for my own actions.
I will do my best to honor you in the same fashion.
Notions of perfection
Falling to fatigue on my soul
Expectations taking control
Society little more than an infection
I’m choking; expiring through this hole
It’s been a long night
My soul is now creaking
Make me feel good (handsome)
A soft bed is all I’m seeking
My head hurts from fatigue
Your sweetness now applies
Lay me down to slumber
With mercy in your eyes
Choosing certain words
With connotations to stir
The hearts of the audience
Cocked crow with pubic fur
Sitting uncomfortably – like whaa?
Where the hell is he going with this
Delusional in this rehabilitating fatigue
Longing for the peace that I miss
Poseurs, pacifists & poets reek
Sitting high on a lifeguard shack
Nighttime cloaked down upon us
Words in darkness never taken back
Ocean waves break the silence tonight
Only our thoughts to be heard otherwise
Isolation not what you thought it’d be
Tearing out your incessant broken eyes
Midnight sounds to be held on tight
A swim where you can never return
A fatigue to be felt deep down
Love exposed to moonlight will forever burn
I’ve had enough
Of the criminals getting media spotlight
Crying that the cops were too harsh
But I can’t let my family go out at night
People would be a lot more polite, I’m sure
If we brought back duels at dawn
I’ll return to being a grumpy old white man
Now, get the fuck off my lawn
The wind howling at midnight
Broken windows – open to the outside air
Exposed to the communal by-passer
Her soul had fallen into disrepair
Fatigue & listless emotions manifesting
Immune to careless compliments
Time to pause & regroup her focus
Happiness born from common sense
Winter clouds straying from the sky
Fermenting love straining my pants
Fatigue settles down on your choices
Won’t remedy pain by a transplant
Heartbreak debilitating to the soul
Physical passion can’t rejuvenate
A heartfelt kiss to break the spell
Fairytales exist when you captivate
Real world complications reign down
No princess to make my escape
More inclined to discover a tramp
Pertaining to this barren landscape