Red Lights

 “Prepare to darken ship. Let no white light shine topside.” The loud speakers called out the same thing every afternoon before the sun went below the horizon. Life on a Navy ship is most remarkably characterized by the glowing red lights within the ship at night. Red light doesn’t travel as far to other ships, which would give away its position.

 Corey Simmons always grew more anxious walking around the ship at night. He always over thought things at night. The red lights made it worse. The dulling of his senses walking through the pitch black into the red areas creeped him out. It put him on edge.

 He was walking the passageway from his shop to his berthing. The red lights are spaced out every twenty feet or so. That allows for darkness to be spaced out every twenty feet as well. the red and black rippled down the ship’s interior. In one of the black areas, Corey hit his shoulder on a large electrical box. “Shit.” He rubbed his shoulder as he kept walking. Corey came to the end of the passageway. There was only a locked hatch. “Fuck man.” He looked around. He missed a turn or a ladder well. Turning around, he went back the way he came. He didn’t recognize where he was. Corey went down the first ladder well he came to. The aluminum ladder shook violently with each step. It made much more noise than you’d expect on a steel ship. Then again, steel toed boots aren’t the lightest of footwear. He still didn’t know where he was. That wasn’t so uncommon on a ship this size. He cursed himself for not remembering the frame and hatch numbering system. He should be able to use it to find his way anywhere on the ship. He walked for two or three minutes more, taking various turns and trying to find a familiar hatch or landmark within the ship. Most of the water-tight hatches were ‘dogged down’ to prevent water intrusion in case of flooding. That was rare these days, but precautions were always taken. 

 Corey could feel himself getting frustrated. He started to sweat more the longer he was lost. When was the last time he even saw someone else? Even though it was the middle of the night, someone else should be walking through these passageways. His anxiety was beginning to rise. Corey began to overthink the situation. His breath became short. Then he became light headed. He knelt down and put his head on the cold metal floor. 

 Dark thoughts began to enter his head. He thought about all the negative aspects of his life, about how he always felt inferior. There was a lot of bravado in his daily life. He overcompensated for having a low self-esteem. He began to think of past sins and indiscretions. He thought of that summer in college when he swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills to try to kill the pain. With self-loathing, Corey kept drudging up the past. He knew God. He knew he believed in God. He believed that he was forgiven of his past. Corey just couldn’t find a way to forgive himself.

 In a moment of clarity, Corey remembered being young, maybe six or seven. The neighbor kid, Nathan something or other. He thought it might have started with an ‘A’. Corey remembered Nathan touching him and making Corey touch him in return. Nathan must have been thirteen or maybe a little older. Nathan made him go into a closet in the garage. It was dark in there. Corey was scared, so he did as he was told. 

 Corey didn’t know why he was remembering this now. He wished he hadn’t remembered. He wished he could forget it. He could feel tears roll down his cheeks. He cried until he passed out.

 What must have been hours later…

 “Dude!” Corey felt someone kick his shoes. “You can’t sleep here. Simmons, get the fuck up.” He felt another kick. Corey opened his eyes to see white lights all round him. They were bright. They hurt his eyes.

 “Sorry.” he said. Corey looked down at his watch. He was late for morning quarters.

Advertisements

A Spinning Beauty Upon The Mirror

ballerina-in-the-forest-1388703.jpg

A spinning beauty upon the mirror
In a perfect white dancing gown
A pirouette for all eternity’s memory
A lady of such illustrious renown
A sunny smile in the cold, cold air
Our frozen ballerina silently wept
Whispering French words softly
Freedom tasted when she first stepped

Reading Dog Eared Love Letters

old-letters-1082299.jpg

Reading dog eared love letters
Smelling of her French perfume
Longing to be with her again
Clinging to memories, I consume
The candlelight quietly fading
The only sound is my pen’s scratch
Scribbling missives & shanties
Acknowledged beauty, she’s quite the catch

Which Ones Were The Good Ones

chair-1850612.jpg

Which ones were the good ones
Memories lost through time & space
Disenchanted moments fallen away
Disappointed lovers – we can’t be replaced
Life wasn’t always sunny back then
But we lose that in history’s gleam
Taking on a more appealing connotation
Lonely hours; that’s when we’re overcome by dreams

Standing Quietly With The Cool Air Creeping

winter-598632.jpg

Standing quietly with the cool air creeping
Clickedy-clackedy of the mechanical keys
An accountability of evasive thought
Vulnerable notions of varying degrees
Looking for a grip of nostalgia
Something to shake loose my memories
Pulling tight my old man cardigan
Watching for the magic from within the trees

A Question Of Intents & Purpose

seafaring-1144844.jpg

A question of intents & purpose
Where & why; the source of our confusion
Time swaying with each movement
Closing our eyes, believing the illusion
Do you remember or it is all a memory
Lost within the darkness of our souls
I’m not who I ever thought I could be
Dreams evaporating when the moon grows full

I’m Writing

writing-1209700.jpg

I’m writing
Trying to find a lost charm
Not of Bedazzled elements
A memory folded away from harm
I’m searching for a thought
The secret learned from these years
Not of scandalous deeds
But the love I forever held dear

I’m Pounding These Keys

typewriter-1148939.jpg

I’m pounding these keys

Trying to create a landmark

Something to last through time

A rhyme to set off a sudden spark

I’m vain in ways I won’t admit

A schedule of words upon the page

Formulas/equations for me to disconnect

Memories for after I’ve withered into age